Devil Arms May Cry
by Hermisia
Summary: Durring spring cleaning, Trish uncovers a couple of things Dante would just as soon have left in boxes.
1. The first chapter

"Almost there," Trish said cheerfully, "Just one more box." Dante grunted up from the book he was engrossed in. Spring-cleaning had been his partner's idea, no question there. At first he had dragged his heels and tried to get out of it, but she never complained about the demon heads on the wall, or the posters of less-than-clothed women, so he eventually decided to indulge her just this once. Though he would never, ever admit it, he was just a little glad they had gone through his junk; he really hadn't ever cleaned the place. Most of what they found was indeed junk, and was either put back in storage at his insistence or dumped.

However, among the boxes and boxes of useless memorabilia, they had found a few gems. There had been some demon parts, like horns and skulls, which could be sold to the right people for quite a bit of money. Dozens of old, most likely one-of-a-kind books on topics like curses and demon lore in languages ranging from English down to dark tongs not even Trish had heard of had been crammed into his attic along with a decade of crap. (It was one such book that now held Dante's attention. It was an anthology of all the members of the Goat Clan- liberally illustrated.) But most interesting to the blonde demon had been some very lovely devil arms that Dante had just tossed up here to rust.

It was one of these that she found sitting at the top of the last box. Actually, it was two devil arms, twin swords, one red and the other blue. As with all the demonic weapons they had come across, she could feel that these too were brimming with power, but there was something else about them that the other devil arms didn't have. Something… she couldn't put her finger on it… they felt… She held up the blue sword and brought its carved face very close to her own. Staring at it's closed eyes; she tried to figure out just what sort of strange energy it was giving off. It felt like… it was thinking? No, that was ridiculous, even the strongest pieces of devil arms were just fragments of the soul, none of the conscious was ever left. Then what was it she felt? Squinting, she brought the sword nose-to nose with her.

"BROTHER! WE ARE FREED!" The sword yelled as its black eyes flew open. Trish's heart clawed its way up her though and attempted to escape her body as she let out a short, high-pitched scream. She dropped the sword like it had burned her. Dante looked up briefly with her yell, but then seeing what she had unleashed, he chuckled, burring himself back in his book. The red sword opened its eyes too and looked around.

"So it would seem. And not a moment too soon. I daresay that was far more boring than Teme-ni-gru!" He replied.

"Ah, but we were in Teme-ni-gru for a millennium, and verily, we have only been in the box a few years."

"Yes, but there was much to do in there, and we had such a lovely room. And don't forget the games of chess that-" at this, she could no longer stifle a laugh. The swords with their silly little carved faces and incessant ramblings were so… so cute! Her giggle drew the attention of the blue sword.

"Agni," he cried, "We have been freed by a maiden most fair." Dante snorted. Anyone to whom the word 'maiden' came to mind when talking about Trish was clearly not in touch with reality. She shot him a glare that went hatefully un-noticed, thanks to the book.

"Fair you say?" Asked Agni from the box, "But I can feel her demonic aura. And it is strong. She feels like The Darkness. She must be of Mundus's blood."

"Nonsense," Rudra said, "No Spawn of Mundus could be so beautiful. I can see her before me. She has flowing golden hair radiant as the morning sun and skin as pure and white as the fresh-fallen snow and eyes-" Dante snatched the gushing weapon out of Trish's hands. That was fun, but the talking swords were getting very old, very quickly as far as he was concerned. He grabbed Agni from the box and held them both up so they were looking at him.

"The 'no talking' rule is still in effect." He said dryly. "Understand?"

"Master!" exclaimed Rudra, "You are still alive! How joyous a day this is. Agni said that you would die before you remembered us, but I still had hope."

"Your memory is hazy at best brother. It was I who remained faithful in our master. You said that-" The half-demon rolled his eyes and knocked the swords' heads together.

"I thought I said no talking."

"Dante!" Trish said, finally finding her voice. "Don't be so mean! They weren't doing anything wrong." She grabbed the weapons back from her partner and held them in a way that could nearly be described as cradling. He heard one of the swords saying something under its breath to the other, but couldn't make out what it was saying beyond the words 'kinder' and 'master.' He made rather loud 'harrumph.'

"They're annoying me is what they're doing" he said.

At this moment, the phone decided to break up the bickering demons with its shrill cries for attention. Dante answered- as always- with the name of his shop and waited for the password. Trish wondered if this was another job; a little demon slaying would break up the monotony of housework quite nicely. She waited quietly for him to finish up the conversation. He was grinning. That was a good sign.

"Sin Scissors," He said, "A few of them. Grab the Sparda and let's roll." He himself grabbed his eternally-favored twin hand-guns and the Beowulf gauntlets. He had been itching to try them out again ever since they had been unearthed some days prior.

Trish eyed the heirloom sword wearily. It was fun, to be sure, the way Sparda would take huge chunks out of the lesser demons with little effort, but using the same weapon day-in, day-out was getting just a trifle old. Plus, anything that got under Dante's skin was A-ok in her book. She made a few simply swipes with the swords in her hands. The gales and flames that they emitted with so little effort was positively delightful. Her eyes turned once more to the Sparda, and then back to Agni and Rudra. She smiled.

"How would you boys like to have a little fun?"

_AN: Don't worry, that was not the end, I'll update. Probably._


	2. The chapter directly following the first

"Behold, brother!" Agni declared as he was being swung through the torso of a devil, "Our mistress's beauty is only exceeded by her strength!"

"Nonsense! Her strength may indeed be great, but her beauty is immeasurable!" Rurdra replied. Trish barely managed to keep down a giggle as she cut through the devils.

"Don't be ridiculous. I will concede that she is quite hansom, but you must be blind if you can not perceive the grace and skill with which she wields us!" Dante groaned. The swords had been on this argument from the moment he and Trish had started fighting the devils.

"Pah! She could be as powerful as all of our former masters combined and such strength would still not touch her beauty! Our mistress has eyes that could charm the stars out of the sky! Her form is lithe and pure! Are you blind brother?"

"_You_ seem to be the one that is blind. Her skill and prowess know no bounds."

"Nay! _You_ are the blind one."

"I can see perfectly, _you_ are blind."

"Trish…" Dante warned. His voice sounded considerably less amused than usual.

"Foolishness! _You_ are blind!" Trish could offer no response other than barely stifled giggles as she continued slaying.

"Y_ou_ are blind!"

"Dammit Trish," he growled, "Make. Them. Shut. Up." Trish's giggles by this point were getting harder to control.

"You are clearly the blind one"

"It is you who is blind!"

"Nay! It is you who is blind!"

"You!"

"You!"

"SHUT! UP!" Dante screamed, snatching the swords out of Trish's hands. Trish, the swords and the last remaining Sin Scissors all stopped and stared at him, "I swear! If you two don't shut your mouths right this second, the two of you will spend the rest of my life, which I can assure you will be a very long time, being used to slice cold-cuts for my sandwiches!"

"Those are mine and I can let them talk if I want to!" Her partner's face contorted with anger and confusion.

"Yours? Yours? They aren't yours! I found them! I fought them! They are mine"

"Yah?" She retorted, "Well if I hadn't made you clean out that pigsty you call an attic, they would have just rusted away, finders keepers." To further support her point, she decided to stick out her tong.

"Well, if you really want 'em that badly, come get 'em back." He said, holing the sword in one hand above his head.

"Dan_te_," she whined, trying in vain to reach up to where he held them, "Quit being such a brat!"

"Of the two of us," he teased with a grin, "only one seems to be hopping up and down like a kid trying to get her favorite toy"

She growled and tried with even more vigor to reclaim the weapons, which despite Dante's protest had taken to cheering her on. This went on for some time until the last remaining devil decided that this was the opportunity it needed and rammed both prongs of it's sheers through Trish. Sufficient to say, getting impaled put her in no mood to fight with Dante, and plenty of a mood to fry some Scissor. Angry as she was, she sent enough lightning through the scissors to make the devil twitch and spark and then go pop in a most satisfying way.

"Well, that was fun," Dante said, yanking off his boots as he walked into the Devil May Cry.

"Yes," Trish smirked in such a way to reveal every ounce of sadism in her little being, "I would have to agree." Dante rolled his eyes at her.

"Look, I need a shower. Badly." He said, shrugging off his red jacket. "Do you mind putting away the weapons?" He left Beowulf and his guns on his desk.

"Nah," Trish smiled again, more kindly this time, "I don't mind at all." As Dante walked out of the room, Trish made her way over to the desk and fished around in one of the drawers to for the key to the weapons case. She unlocked the Plexiglas case where Dante stored his armaments ever since some neighborhood punks had the bad luck to choose his place to break into. She looked again at all the weapons that she had uncovered. Most of them, she had inspected upon their discovery, save one. The purple axe had been in one of the few boxes that Dante himself had deigned to open.

As she reached for it, she felt the oddest sensation; it felt as if a bit of her lightning had jumped from her hand to the axe unbidden. She immediately pulled her hand back. Demonic things that can be described, as "odd sensations" were usually best left alone. However, something about the strange half-instrument, half-weapon still called to her, she reached for it again.

Suddenly, purple lightning from the axe jumped towards her, power sprang from her own hand involuntarily. She tried to pull her hand back, but against her will it clenched the handle of the axe. Trish screamed as purple and yellow energy continued to run between her and the weapon. After only a moment, some great force threw her back and she slammed against Dante's desk with a thud, sinking to the floor.

"Trish?" Dante ran into the room, fumbling to zip his pants, "I heard a scream, are you-" He stopped and saw her sitting against his desk. She was staring at her hand with what appeared to be great wonder. "Trish! Hey, are you ok?" He asked running over to her. As she looked up at him, a look of befuddlement flashed across her face, but it was quickly replaced with a smile.

"Fine, sugar," she said sweetly, "I'm doin' just fine."

fin…?

_AN: Oh, geez, I'm sorry that this took forever. Really I am. I kept writing it and re-writting it but I never got chapter 2 to a place that I liked. I'm still not too happy with it, but I feel bad leaving you all hanging. If/when I continue it again, the next chapter will suck way less than this one did._


End file.
